Alsager person-centred counsellor, Hannah Bolton, offers her professional insight into caring for the carer

Who is a carer?

The perception can be that carers are always medical members of staff, but the amount of people in the public caring for loved ones is on the rise. Anyone may find themselves being a carer at any point, at any age, for example caring for a parent, child, grandparent, or close friend.

How does being a carer have an impact on you?

When you become a carer, it's very common to neglect your own needs. This is never done intentionally but more with the thought process of, 'I don't have time to look after me,' 'I feel guilty doing anything for myself when they need me,' or 'at the minute my needs come last.'

Everybody's circumstances are different as a carer but what we have in common is putting our needs on the back burner.

You may ask how would I know that?

Whilst I would never say I know exactly how you feel, I can say I have been a carer myself. At the age of 20, I nursed my boyfriend through terminal cancer until he sadly died. At the time I felt isolated and alone.

I was glad no one was in the same position as me, however I did wish I had someone to talk too who wasn't emotionally involved. I wanted a safe space I could go to and talk, free from judgement.

I wanted someone who wouldn't give me platitudes like, 'don't worry you're only young, you will move on,' or 'it doesn't matter, its not like you were married with children.'

To be honest at the time, I found these things irritating but afterwards I did realise they were said sometimes out of not knowing what else to say or trying to make me feel better.

When I was caring for Charlie, I felt guilty that he was suffering and I wasn't. I felt guilty that I would be able to go on and live my life when he couldn't.

I felt that I couldn't possibly do anything for myself when his needs were greater than mine. I would always dismiss how I felt as I didn't feel like my feelings were as important as Charlie's needs.

Although he would tell me to still go out with my friends and enjoy myself, I never would.

If any of this speaks to you, please feel to get in touch and I would be more than happy to support you.

Why Is Self -Care so important as a Carer?

It's proven that carers suffer with psychological distress whether that be, stress, anxiety or depression. This accompanies physical side effects too, like; fatigue, headaches, digestive problems, heart palpitations, sweating, difficulty sleeping to name a few.

Whilst it is easy to not consider your own needs, you need to care for YOU. A walk on your own can clear your head, meeting up with others to do something different can be helpful, having a hot bath or reading a book are just a few examples.

That saying you can't, 'POUR FROM AN EMPTY GLASS,' happens to be very true. If your form of self-care is to dedicate your time to counselling session, of course I am more than happy to support you. Please feel free to contact me for more details.

I am also going to be running some group therapy for carers to discuss self care, anxiety and stress management as well as providing support for individuals and their experiences. If you are interested in this, please feel free to get in touch with me

You can contact Hannah by visiting her website, calling her on: 07768198184, or emailing: [email protected]. 

If it wasn't for our sponsors like Hannah Bolton Counselling, our news site would not be possible. Thank you. 

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